Iron

"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another"

Proverbs 27:17

15th and Constitution NW, I'm waiting for the crosswalk light to turn. 4.5 miles in on my run, at least another two to go. There's a steady 80 foot climb over 3/4 of a mile coming up and honestly, I was running low on gas.

Headphones in, I try to pump myself up before the light changes.

A girl in running gear jogs up beside me. There are no words, just a nod.

The light changes, we both start running, keeping pace with one another. She speeds up her pace a little, I match it. I speed up, she matches. We fed off each other's energy for a solid half mile.

Another stop light, another stop. She nudged my elbow with hers. No words, just a nod and we parted ways.

The experience gave me the energy and motivation I needed to finish the run strong. I made the hill by the Capitol building mine.

During the time I've been training, a partner has always presented him or herself at the time when I needed them the most. Some last years, others - a half mile. In every instance, I come out stronger, more knowledgeable and more driven than I was before I met them. My first training partner was Scott, a personal trainer at the gym where I was working out. He taught me the basics of lifting. After him, it was a solid three years before I met Bill, a power lifter I trained with when I was in Pennsylvania for a year for work. He pushed me to push myself through the walls and limitations that I had set for myself. Then on Friday, the half mile girl. The common theme among them all - we pushed each other to improve. We sharpened one another.

Everyone hits a point in their training where they stagnate, where they lose motivation to push their hardest, where their efforts aren't as focused and sharp as they should be to achieve their goals. When that time hits, recognize it as the time to pick up a lifting partner, a running buddy, or even hire a trainer. Someone who is better at what you're trying to do. Not only will you push one another, you will learn a lot in the process, too. You will sharpen one another.

How sharp can you be?

Clarity

We all have those moments. Those sudden out-of-the-blue, holy shit moments of clarity. Sunday morning Sudoku; a problem you've been trying to figure out at work; and sometimes, a new realization to an issue that you thought you figured out long ago and had since put to rest. The last ones...those are the most epiphanic (and no, I didn't use a Thesaurus for that word. Bam!)

In December, I wrote about Control. The big "Why" as to my craptastic eating habits lasted as long as they did.

Then, while talking with a friend of mine about being in the closet, I had a lightbulb moment: there was another reason. While yes, I do still feel like I was exhibiting some sort of control, that's not the only reason. While it feels like it was a lifetime ago, the sting of what it was like to still be closeted - to hide myself from those closest to me I don't think will ever truly fade.

While I was putting on weight, up until I was my biggest at over 260lbs, there was a common factor throughout it all. I was struggling with my sexuality. There was a lot of pressure as to why I never dated, why I never talked about girls, why I had never brought one home to meet mom or flew one out to see dad. I think on some level, I allowed myself to get fat so that way no one would ever ask about my love life, so I wouldn't have to lie to them and to myself about it even more.

The bigger I got, the less people asked.

I remained in the closet until June 1, 2006. I had been working on getting in shape before then. As I got more in shape, I became more confident in every aspect of my life, I started to accept myself fully for who I was: A gay male.

Fast forward almost six years: I am in the best shape of my life. I am strong, confident, and entirely out of the closet - surrounded by friends and family who love me for exactly who I am - A gay male...who is slightly fanatical about fitness.

and I couldn't be happier.

Oh, and that 3 you have in the 2nd row, 3rd column...that should be a 7. Sorry, Sudoku spoiler.

Glass

How you look at things will determine how much energy, time and effort you put into something. As most of you know, I approach most things in life with a certain positivity and excitement that – in most cases – is on the brink of really fracking annoying to anyone I’m around. Sometimes it’s contagious, sometimes not. It allows me to put 100% into what I do, whether it be work, gym, football…the list goes on and on.

This lesson never felt more tangible than it did during my lunch workout today. See, some of the recumbent bikes at the gym on base overlook the food court (yes, it’s unclass’ed, I can talk about it, hah). On one side of the glass: hamburgers, Chinese, Italian – your typical food court fare. On the other: the gym. In the gym, you could see people eating delicious food. In the food court, you can see people working out. I swear it’s like the architects intentionally planned to torture everyone, hah!

I chose to pull some positivity from this. Instead of the normal “omg, that pizza looks delicious” train of thought and being distracted by it, I upped the resistance on the bike and cranked up the RPMs. Looking through the glass I saw what I used to be, it was more of a mirror into my past than a transparent divider. I got more motivated, more excited to work harder. I chose to look at my workout as a path towards self improvement instead of a task that I had to do just to get done that day. There was a visible difference, you could tell who was in a positive mindset about being in the gym and who was just logging a workout for the books.

This is true for pretty much anything: the more positive of an outlook you have going into something, you’ll work harder, longer, do whatever you need to in order to accomplish it. If you have a negative view of it, you’ll be more likely to do the bare minimum, to just get it done, and, in the long run, to give up.

Positive. Negative. Excitement. Dread.

It’s all about your point of view.

Which side of the glass are you on?

Absurd

Whether stepping up my weight training or starting to run so I don't die like Pheidippides did after his run from the Battle of Marathon during the MCM in October, one word has been used a fair amount recently to describe my efforts: "Absurd."

In a country where over 34% of the adults (and 17% of the adolescents) are clinically obese, and another 34% are overweight...more than two-thirds of our country... being fat is the norm.

You know what? If being fat and out of shape is the norm, then being "absurd" not a bad thing.

I used to fit in that statistic, and if you use BMI, I still am by 0.2 points. Side note: BMI is bullshit. Body fat percentage should be used instead of height/weight calcs, but that's a rant for another time. At 6ft tall and 260+lbs, I was the epitome of the new norm. I lived my life being lazy and eating foods that were shitty nutritionally. It became habit.

"First we make our habits, then our habits make us." - Charles C. Noble

I would sit on my ass, play video games all day, and eat junk food. Don't get me wrong, I still game with the best of them, but instead of chips and fast food, I choose chicken and veggies. Instead of planting myself on my couch for the whole weekend, I get up and play football, lift, run....and then sit on my couch (don't worry, I shower first!). I changed my habits, and then my habits changed me.

I now make my habits to continually grow stronger, faster, and leaner. To not be average. To be the best I can. This means not being content and stopping just because I can pull the full stack on the lat pull down. That I can go a mile further than I could before. That, what used to be my max, I do now for reps. To always be making progress.

So I'll take it as a compliment. I'm completely absurd.

Challenge

Let’s get one thing straight: I. Hate. Running.

Running around while playing football or soccer or doing wind-sprints – I can handle. In fact, it’s rather enjoyable, then. There’s a short term goal: sack the qb, get the TD, beat your opponent to the ball, there’s something usually within 5-30 seconds. What can I say; I have a short attention span.

Distance running, however, is the bane of my existence - I mean, aside from doing laundry - which is exactly why I’m going to run the Marine Corps Marathon.

Waithuhwha? Didn’t you just…

Yup. I just told you that I hate running with the fire of a thousand suns.

It’s all too easy to stick to the stuff you’re good at. For me, that’s lifting weights. You’re in your comfort zone. You’ll most likely get better and better at it, sure, and hey, if your paycheck depends on that skill, then by all means stick with it. For most of us though, fitness is a hobby, and complete mastery of a sport isn’t needed for our day to day. We get confident, perhaps overly so, in the things were good at. Believe it or not, there was a day not too long ago where I couldn’t deadlift more than 95lbs, I was benching only the bar, could only do 5 pull-ups. I sucked up my pride and worked at it. With the challenge, I grew stronger, I became knowledgeable, my confidence increased. The challenge is trying your hand at something that you suck at.

Enter: the marathon.

Sure, I can challenge myself to lift heavier, to get stronger, and get more reps. But functionally speaking, why would I ever need to leg press more than 700lbs? to do dips with an additional 200lbs strapped around my waist? to row over 300? I’m not competing in a strong-man, I won’t be pulling any 18-wheelers. It’s time to develop a new set of physical skills. Don’t get me wrong, I’m going to keep lifting – I love the “holy shit, I just did that” feeling I get when I get a new PR too much…now I’m just going to get that from running a new max distance or keeping a quicker pace.

I'm going to become *gasp* a runner.

So what are you doing to challenge yourself?

Passion

(Warning, this isn’t a fitness post!)

Christmas day, my oldest - but not old! - sister, Brooke, and I were rolling the dough to make Grandma Shealy’s infamous monkey bread. Usually Eryn, my other sister, and Brooke do this while my brother-in-law and I gorge ourselves on his’s mom’s cheese ball. Eryn, sadly, couldn’t make it out for Christmas this year, so I stepped up and channeled my former baker to complete the task, which basically consisted of Brooke and me snickering over rolling dough balls…haha…balls. Yes, that Bevis and Butthead-esque back and forth went on for about an hour.

“So what’s your power word for 2012?” Brooke asked. I obviously had been playing too much Elder Scrolls: Skyrim recently, because that’s where I immediately went when I heard that question. “Your one word motto. What is it?”

In 2011, my word was “Proactive,” and that I was. At the end of 2010, I was frustrated with where my life was. I love Richmond, but I had stagnated, I had stopped developing as a person. I came across the DCGFFL, and signed up – making that commitment to come up to DC every weekend in order to meet and develop friendships with other masculine, athletic gay men (and ended up meeting some pretty awesome straights and lesbians, too!). About half way through the season, I decided that DC was where I needed to be. I became proactive about finding a job up here, and ended up doing so. Everything fell into place because I actively sought out the things I wanted and went after them. Some of them I got, others I didn’t, but the important thing is that I tried for them and if I hadn’t I would have always wondered.

After some thought – and a few more obvious “balls” comments – “Passion” came out. This coming year, I’m going to follow my passions. I’ll be growing this blog to a more developed site, I’ll expanding my physical repertoire to include running the Marine Corps Marathon in October (more on this later), learn to be a better cook, a better writer, a more versatile football player. I’m going to train harder & teach others to do the same. I’m going to be more involved with LBGT activism and with volunteering and fundraising for cancer research. For me, my passion is making myself the best person that I can, whether that be setting new personal records in the gym or positively affecting someone else’s life.

Following your passion makes you a happier person.

So what are your passions and what are you doing to pursue them? Take some time while things are slow at work this week (because let’s face it, nothing’s getting done until after New Year's) and figure out what you enjoy doing, what makes you happy.

Follow your passion.

Excuses

“I’m too tired”

“I don’t have the time”

“I’m too sore from yesterday”

Here, let me get you your passy and blankey.

Rationalizations and excuses are extremely powerful. It’s all too easy to make ourselves believe that we can’t do something, especially when we don’t necessarily want to. Any kind of body transformation requires a steadfast will – almost unbreakable – in order to be completely successful. It’ll require the strength to not give in to our innate ability to go the easy route and lay on our couch and completely veg out.

“I’m too tired”:

“A body at in motion will remain in motion unless an outside force acts upon it.” Thank you, Sir Isaac Newton. Who knew the 18th century physicist would be so spot on when it comes to the gym? The more consistently active you are, the more energy you’ll have in order to remain being active. The First Law of Motion also works in the other direction. “A body at rest will remain at rest…” The more you sit around and do nothing, the harder it is to actually get started. That outside force: your Drive. How much you want to achieve your goal. Is your Drive strong enough to get you off your couch after work? To get you out of bed an hour earlier? (Let’s be honest, me getting out of bed earlier will not be happening. If you know me, you know that there is an ongoing war between me and my alarm clock)

“I don’t have the time”:

You know that hour where you were catching up on the latest housewives? What about that 2 you spent playing video games? There ya go. Very few people are so pressed for time to not get outside and go for a run or hit the gym for some weight training. If you look hard enough and want it bad enough, you’ll find the time. Throw in the fact that you’ll extend your life expectancy by years by getting in shape; you really don’t have the time NOT to!

“I’m too sore from yesterday”:

If it’s not an actual injury and it’s just normal “I lifted hard and can feel it” soreness, then man – or woman - up. You shouldn’t be working that muscle group anyway the next day, that leaves a whole slew of other muscles to work that aren’t sore (that’s what she said). Stop your whining and get to it.

The next time you catch yourself trying to talk yourself out of going to work out or to allow yourself something you know is unhealthy take a step back and call yourself out on it. Refocus your Drive, steel your will, and stay true to the path.

Either that or I’ll make sure your bottle’s the right temperature.